you belong with me

A few days ago, was at one of my regular mall hangouts with my sister and we stumbled upon a rummage sale. And for one brief moment, I had chills and goosebumps all over me. The word sale seems to have that effect on me. Worst if it's combined with rummage or warehouse. I literally have to calm myself down.

I love the adrenaline rush of it all. Choosing and digging and clawing your way through all the best bits and then arguing for that last piece of prize with some other 'sale struck fool'. Then lining up at the cashier who always seem to take forever regardless which line I'm in.

Anyway, after spending a small fortune at this particular rummage sale, we stumbled upon another on another floor. And we were like WOW. Spent another small fortune there. We ended buying so much things that we had to go back to the car to place all our well-spent money before finally doing what we came there to do in the first place - watch 2012. Which I really thought was a good movie. Sure, there were alot of cheesiness and wooden acting and damn predictable plots but I truly enjoyed it. I always loved disaster movies and this is like the motherload of all disaster movies. Seriously.

The rain nowadays here in KL have been a real damper on my mood and has put alot of social activities on hold. But I'm cool with it. Cos it has seriously cooled things down. It used to be damn hot during the days before the rain and now it's so much cooler and nicer. Just that going out in the evenings is always a hassle now.

My best friend Honeystar recently uploaded this old photo of us taken a few years ago in Perhentian Island and it brought back such sweet memories of summer sun and golden beaches and hot boys ;) Can't wait for summer 2010!

million dollar bill

I got stopped by a policeman a few days back because I expertly ran thru what was obviously a red light for me. I don't even know why I did it. I guess I just wasn't in the mood to sit around and wait while the light turned green when there were no other cars on that crossroad except me. Unfortunately, MrPoliceman did not seem to think I was being amusing and proceeded to lecture me and at the same time was about to start writing me a ticket.

I did what I normally did in times like this. I turned on the charm and I laid it on thick. I smiled, I winked, I touched his arm, I played the innocent card, I played the guilty card, I played every card I knew but the MrPoliceman was not being receptive to any of my charms which made me even more determined. I've charmed my way out of tickets so many times, it's almost impossible to count so there was no way I was gonna get a ticket this time just because this moron's skull was too thick.

Then it hit me. The reason why MrPoliceman was not being receptive was because he was adamant for a bribe! In fact, at first he kept hinting about it but after awhile he was being downright direct. Saying things like, 'Why don't you buy me coffee? Or why don't you pay for my dinner?'. And believe me, that was not an invitation for me to date him or anything like that. It was a blatant way of asking for a bribe. I was mortified. I don't do bribes. So I told him, 'You know what? Just give me the ticket. I'll pay the fine'. He was quite surprise by this and kept asking me if I was sure and if I could afford the large sum cos all it would take is a few ringgit to make it go away. This really pissed me and I repeated again to please just give me the ticket.

After much huffing and puffing and Lord know what else he was doing, I finally got the ticket. I rolled up my window and drove away. Paid the fine the next day and with this post I am putting that entire event behind me. Way too much corruption and moronic fools in our lives these days. Why give in to them?

baby can i hold you tonight

I have an insane crush on someone and I am finally coming to terms with it. The last time I had a crush this bad was eons ago. And I've totally forgotten how it feels.

It all started two days ago. He came over to say hi and we got to talking and we sort of hit it off automatically. But ours is a forbidden love so I doubt if anything will actually materialize from this crush which makes me think back to all my intense crushes of yesteryear. None of it actually had any physical outcome. I don't think I've ever had a crush that resulted in anything more than a crush. Normally time will ease the longings and make it easier to see the person and not want to jump on him :)

It's a nice feeling having a crush on someone. You think of all sorts of ways to touch your crushee, to make at least some sort of physical connection. You get tongue tied whenever your crushee is around. You want to sound interesting but somehow your thoughts and your tongue never make the connection. You want to act cool and nonchalant but that never happens. And the worst of it, is when you do something totally embarassing in front of your crushee. Not only do you want the earth to open and swallow you whole but you'll also want the earth to chew and grind you til you don't feel anything. Oh the humanity..

But I stand by my statement, it's a nice feeling to have a crush on someone. For those few precious moments, your world is elevated to a bubbly place where everything is shiny and perky. Sure, sometimes you won't be able to function properly and sometimes you act strangely and sometimes you forget what you're doing, but in the end the hope for love will always pull you through.

One consolation that I've discovered for myself is that I've become good friends with almost all the people I've had crushes on, boys and girls included. And maybe that is how I cope with the thought of knowing that I'll never be able to hold that person in the way that I want. Instead of going down the lovers road, perhaps it's better to go down the friends road. And then again, maybe crushes were never meant to be anything but that.

So here's to you my new crush. May we become good friends fast ;)

i want to know what love is

I sincerely believe that we as human beings must do everything we can to contribute and help each other whenever we can. If not for the betterment of mankind then do it for karma.

One of the hottest shopping malls near my place has recently started a Pink Campaign for the month of October where pledges are taken and the donations are forwarded for breast cancer research and also for helping women with breast cancer who can't afford treatment. Cancer affects everyone of us regardless if we are touched personally by the disease. And contrary to popular belief, breast cancer also affects men.

Mum and me recently signed up our pledges. If you happen to be in the neighbourhood, please walk over to BangsarVillage and do your part. Put the money in the box and sign your support. It doesn't take much effort and time. Do it for yourself and for the people around you. Life's too short to think twice.

Can you see my name on the board below?

For more info, click here pink. It's always nice to see an entire neighbourhood come together for a cause. It's even nicer when an entire nation comes together for a cause ;)

Another friend recently did her part too! Good on you girl!

all the way

I got a text from one of my fuckbuddies yesterday. Totally expecting it to be a bootycall, I almost rear-ended the car in front of me when I read the text "Wanna meet me for dinner tonight?"

Me and LoudMoaner (LM) have been hooking up for about a year now and each time, it's just sex. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no emotional attachment, no follow-up requirement, nothing. We see each other solely as a piece of meat. But it's not like we discussed our arrangement or signed any agreement, it's just one of those things that happened and kept happening.

I replied with a simple text. "WHY?". And below is a basic transcript of what transpired between us.

LM: It'll be nice to see you with your clothes on for a change ;p

Me: I don't think that's gonna be happening. I've got plans.

LM: I know it'd be weird but it'll be nice to have a conversation with you and get to know you.

Me: You already know more about the best parts of me than most people do so that's enough, don't you think?

LM: It's just that we've been seeing each other for a year now and I don't even know what kind of movies you like or what your favourite colour is or whether you have a pet?

Me: RomComs. Purple. Nope.

The conversation ended here. I mean seriously, why ruin a good thing. I've got no qualms about using LM as a piece of meat. We call each other up when we have needs and when the need is fulfilled, we say goodbye and don't hear from each other again until another need arises. It's so simple. Why complicate things with dinner and movies and introducing to each other's friends? Don't go looking for trouble I always say. Cos sooner or later, trouble will come looking for you ;) Case in point.

I texted LM and told LM what I thought our situation was and how we're comfortable with what we have and that we don't need to take things to another level and as for that whole 'seeing each other for a year' thing, I really wouldn't call it 'seeing each other' since we only sweat everytime we meet.

In today's mad rush for glory, I sincerely think having a few 'friends with benefit' is the only way to live your life and satisfy your needs. Sure, one night stands are cool. And random hook ups are fun but having someone you know will always be there when you need them to be and then not there when you need them not to be there, well, in my eyes that is perfection.

crazy cool

I absolutely love this photo! It's guaranteed to make you laugh or at the very least put a big smile on your face.

body language

I was shopping at a tenant store of one of our local shopping malls recently and something happened that made me realize that the world is still far from being truly beautiful.. I overheard the following conversation between a sales clerk and a fairly large man. The conversation happened entirely in Malay but for the sake of globalization, I'm gonna translate it here.

Large: Excuse me, do you have this jeans in a size 46?

SalesSkank: Huh? Oh hang on..

At this point, she looks abit turned off and noticably shows her displeasure as she rummages thru the pile of folded jeans.

SalesSkank: Sorry.. We don't have it.

And she says this without any apologies. Heck, I'd even settle for remorse but her face was a blank canvas. And by blank, I mean make-up less and emotion-less. Seriously, bitch needed to put some colour on her face.

Large: Do you know if your other outlets might have the size?

SalesSkank: Actually, I doubt if we carry that size at all. People like you are not our target consumer.

At which point, the blood in my head had reached it's maximum boiling point. First of all, this bitch has no work ethic. Two, she is just plain rude and three, she needed a wake up call. I walked up to the both of them.

"Who the hell do you think you are saying that to him? He's your customer. Didn't your parents teach you manners? Didn't this company give you some sort of training on how to talk to your customers?"

It sounds abit more vicious in Malay - ( Kau ingat kau sape cakap dengan dia macam tu? Dia tu customer kau tau. Mak bapak tak ajar ke cara nak cakap ngan orang? Company ni pun tak ajar kau ke macam nak cakap ngan orang?)

At this point one of SalesSkank's colleagues comes over and tries to pacify the situation. And a few other people had begin looking our way to see what the commotion is about. I told SalesSkank's friend that bitch needs to learn some manners. Then turning to Large I asked him if he was ok. He appeared to be very embarassed and was in shock at what just happened and by the looks of it, I could tell that this guy rarely stood up for himself let again let others stand up for him. But I could not stand by and let morons like SalesSkank speak to other people that way.

Large looked at me and smiled and said thank you. I told him don't worry about it and told him to get himself a big piece of cake to which he laughed and asked me to join him but I was in a hurry so I said goodbye and walked off.

I get pissed off whenever people who are supposed to be in the service industry act like it's beneath them to be nice to people who are not of society's acceptable standards. And truth be told, sometimes I'd turn the other cheek but some situations call for lessons to be taught and morals to be learned ;)

Being big is nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud. Check out Beth Ditto of The Gossips. She is F A B U L O U S ! Click on the link and read about her and see her in action. You might get inspired!

we are golden

I am convinced of the following:

1) There are some guys who should never ever wear shorts or bermudas or three quarters.

2) There are some people who should never ever smile in photographs.

3) There are some people who should never ever be photographed.

4) There are some people who seriously need to use spell-check or get someone to check their grammar before updating.

5) There are some people who should consider never speaking. Nobody wants to hear broken English.

forever is over

These past few days have been a really emotional rollercoaster ride. I thought life was going all peachy smooth and then WHAM I get hit by buckets of lemons..

A long time ago, I was never a really happy kid. I was content but not happy. Things in life were just there for me to go thru and that was it. In high school, I did not have a nice time at all. I just wanted to get away from it all. I hated it. I hated the school. I hated the philosophy behind the school and I hated most of the people there. But I made good friends. Friends whom I treasure til today. And it is because of this friends that my memories of high school are good memories. Then I entered college and a whole new world was opened up to me. I became part of a gang. An elite group. And life seemed so much more nicer and brighter. But still I wasn't too happy. I never smiled in photos. Actually I don't remember smiling period. But as the years went by, I became different. I grew. And I embraced life and was beginning to like it. I guess you can say I finally found my place in the world and was for once happy. I began laughing more, I began smiling in photos, my personal aura changed for the better and people seemed genuinely interested in becoming my friends.

However lately, it seems all this goodness is in vain cos I keep getting played. I keep getting hurt. So I don't know.. Maybe it's time to put up those walls again. Maybe it's time to stop caring again.

Life is seriously never smooth. It's forever complicated and forever turbulent. But I guess that's life isn't it? Just need to deal and move on..

happy birthday

I turned 27 today.

Am seriously happy. And delirious. And extremely hung over..

shut up and let me go

A few days ago, I was doing a flight to Denpasar. It was a full flight consisting of 80% Caucasians and the rest Indonesians.

About an hour into the flight, this Australian guy with a family of four calls chimes me and I go over to his seat and he points at something in front of him, "Look", he says. And guess what?

It's a grasshopper! A big one! It's brown in colour and for some reason, it looked like a cockroach which made the hair on my arms stand on its ends. And as we watched it, the grasshopper crawled and wedged itself between the seats of the row in front of this Australian guy whose children were very curious at their new friend. And the Australian guy kept looking at me, expecting me to do something about it and from the looks in his eyes, it was needless to say that he had a fear of insects cos believe it or not he was squirming in his seat and he kept telling his kids to sit still and not touch it.

At that point I was thinking to myself, does this guy expect me to touch it? Now, don't get me wrong. I'm okay with most creepy crawlies. Okay as long as they don't come near me or I don't have to touch them so this particular situation was in violation of both my principles. I dashed to the front and asked my female crew "Are you in any way afraid of insects?" All she did was look at me and I knew the answer. "Forget it" I told her. Grabbing a cup and some serviettes, I went back to the seat, psyching myself for a showdown. Told myself to not embarass myself and to be a man and just be brave about it. Believe it or not, I was ready to catch the damn thing.

And then God smiled on me. The Indonesian guy who was sitting in front of the Australian with his family asked me what was happening and I explained to him. He told me not to worry and he got up, did a quick lookabout around his seat and in one single movement, had the grasshopper in his hand!!

I told him to place it into a plastic bag to which I punctured some holes in. As much as I do not enjoy looking or touching insects, I am still pretty humane. I thanked the Indonesian guy profusely, even the Australian guy was all smiles and kept patting the Indonesian guy on his back.

Later, Mr Australia comes up to me and shares with me that very little in this world can freak him out. But anything more than 4 legs and his entire world goes upside down. I lean closer to him and say, "Don't tell anyone, but I have the same issues" To which he laughs.

And there we were. Two grown men. Laughing about the one thing that scares us. Small tiny insects with many legs. Ugh.. And I know we are not alone. In my family itself, there are so many of us who are terifficed of insects. And I know many friends who have the same phobias. What is it about these tiny marvels of nature that bring out the fear in us?

As for the grasshopper? We set him free once we landed in Denpasar. We being the Indonesian guy and me. Me more as an observer and he the actual freedom setter ;)

shake your body (down to the ground)

The other night, I was in my favourite club dancing the night away and I see an old friend whom we shall call FurryB. I haven't seen FurryB in like a year and we've been close for a very long time but you know how it is with certain friendships, you tend to grow more and more apart as you discover your common grounds are no longer common.

I spotted FurryB amidst the crowd of gyrating bodies dancing to BlackEyedPeas' I Got A Feeling. And I knew it was him instantly cos believe me, you'd know it was FurryB anywhere. So I made my way over to him and tapped him on his shoulder and he was more than surprised to see me there. And I'm thinking, why are you surprised? This is my turf. I'm always here. I'm the one who is surprised to see you here. So anyway, we hugged. A very tight hug.

And as I'm hugging him, I look behind him and his friends have a very bewildered look on their face. Like they've never seen two men hug before. And I'm thinking, oh God these are the dumb office type clowns who don't get out much and even if they do, they're pretty closeminded. I gave them the finger while still maintaining a tight hug on FurryB. To which they were shocked by the looks on their faces.

Then FurryB introduces me to them and I look at him, then at them then rolling my eyes I say, "Seriously?" And walked off.

So do not need to be in the company of neanderthals. FurryB texted me and asked me where I was. I ignored him. Wasn't his fault for having moronic friends but I seriously have had enough with homophobia and morons who can't accept people for who they are. Oh and let's not forget the ignorant fools. I have a friend who for her whole life thought that gay people don't need to use protection during sex. She kept asking, 'what's the point?' And in my heart of hearts, I prayed that she meant the fact that we can't get pregnant and not the STI factor.

Ugh..

eternal flame

Sometimes..

Sometimes, sometimes isn't enough

And nothing will never be enough..

It feels like I'm falling and falling and I can't seem to hold onto anything

I can see the people around me and they're all reaching out

And I'm reaching for them but I can't

They look at me

All broken and in pieces

And they shake their head

And they whisper to each other

He did this to himself

We tried to help

But they didn't help

They didn't see

They didn't hear

They didn't feel

I felt them

I felt them breathe

I felt them

But no one felt me

Sometimes..

Sometimes, sometimes isn't enough

don't stop til you get enough

Another lifelong dream fulfilled.

Me. On a raft. Down the river. Pure bliss. And pure excitement. So so happy.

Happened a few weeks ago in Bali with the bestest group of people in the world. There were too many of us for one raft so we broke up into two rafts. Mine was with BK and RS. And it became sort of a battle of the rafts with us seeing who gets to the finish line first and both sort of attacking each other's rafts. The disaster of that idea..

But it was so much fun. I loved it and need to do more of it soon. Nature at her best all around us. All the damn greenery and the gorgeous flora everywhere. It was a very good feeling. Perfectly content with the world around me.

And that was what I seriously needed. Just to get back to nature and be one with her and let her heal me.